Penny Candy

Proud

2007-01-16T11:55:00.000-06:00

Lindy,

I am so proud of you.

Professionally, personally...you are the bee's knees.

Congratulations!

I gave up

2007-01-11T12:06:00.000-06:00

I have given up on you. I wish you would understand, but you don't. I have tried to make you understand; so have others.

You don't.

You won't.

I don't know what else to do.

I give up.

Sad :(

2006-12-07T19:15:00.000-06:00

They fired my boss today. I am devastated. I am confused and a little bit freaked out. I never worked for a better person who was so committed to his company and employees. He took great care of all of us. He gave a shit and he really knew his shit. I didn't get bonuses because I'm not a supervisor, but when he did, he would slip me hundreds of dollars out of his own pocket. He is kind and well liked. He would send me out to a baseball game during work hours with the best seats and would tell me not to come back until the next day. He would send me to the best restaurants during work hours to take a 4 hour lunch with some of my work buddies. He would help me with my job in every way. He got a HUGE raise approved for me. He knew I worked hard and knew my shit. He recognized me for what I did. I looked at him as a father figure. He went to my wedding and I went to his. I love him dearly and I miss him already. When they told me today, I lost it. I cried like a baby. They told us all one by one and we each walked out crying. One co-worker kept saying "What the fuck are we going to do now?" He couldn't hold it together and had to leave. Our boss really became such a huge part of our lives. He gave us all a chance and gave us a better life, because he saw something in each of us. I bought my first house. Became a wife. My daughter has a stable life with more than she needs. My life is good. When he hired me, my self esteem was in the dumps. He coached me to feel good about myself and be proud about what I do and who I'm still becoming. It's a sad day for me and my work buddies. You don't come across many people like Jay. God bless him and his new family. We love you Jay.

God its been a lovely day! Everything is going my way, I took out the trash today and I'm on fire...

2006-11-23T16:19:00.000-06:00

In the last month, I have managed to piss off several people, including my family and friends.

Chances are, if you are reading this, I probably pissed you off too!

Here's the thing: I just don't give a fuck anymore!

I'm just going to be as selfish, thoughtless, and self centered as everyone else and we'll see how that pans out for ME. I've tried to be conscientious, but apparently, that all ends up being a bunch of bullshit anyway.

So, FUCK IT! Everyone have a lovely motherfucking day!

Burning with the Devil................

2006-10-30T21:08:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine recently moved to St.Louis and we both majored in social sciences.
Whilst carving pumpkins together the other evening, we were watching scary
movies and discussing sociopaths. Mostly because we were watching Halloween
and we were discussing how even though true sociopaths can be violent, the thoughts that most people have of sociopaths are inaccurate.

Typically, when one thinks of sociopaths, they think of serial rapists and serial killers.
People who are violent with no purpose. While serial killers, rapists, and some prisoners are sociopaths, most sociopaths walk among us.

I pulled out my trusty DSM IV and this was the description listed for Antisocial Personality
Disorder:

Although antisocial personality disorder is only diagnosed in people over age 18, the symptoms are similar to those of conduct disorder, and the criteria for diagnosis include the onset of conduct disorder before the age of 15. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR), people with antisocial personality disorder demonstrate a pattern of antisocial behavior since age 15.

The adult with antisocial personality disorder displays at least three of the following behaviors:
fails to conform to social norms, as indicated by frequently performing illegal acts, and pursuing illegal occupations
is deceitful and manipulative of others, often in order to obtain money, sex, or drugs
is impulsive, holding a succession of jobs or residences
is irritable or aggressive, engaging in physical fights
exhibits reckless disregard for the safety of self or others, misusing motor vehicles, or playing with fire
is consistently irresponsible, failing to find or sustain work or to pay bills and debts
demonstrates lack of remorse for the harm his or her behavior causes others

The typical trend to Antisocial Personality Disorder is Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)*I met the criteria for this as a teenager. Trust me*, Conduct Disorder, and then, eventually Antisocial Personality Disorder. Now, this is not set in stone. Some people skip ODD and go straight to Conduct Disorder, followed by APD. Some stop at ODD and generally grow up and grow out of those behaviors as an ongoing way of life. It depends on the person and the combination of both the person's internal
factors and environment.

The thing that I find odd, which I always find odd about media portrayal of mental illness, is that the depiction of a sociopath is that of a hideous monster, someone who is easily spotted in a crowd. Not so. Sociopaths are very very adept at hiding their personality.

The DSM definition also paints a picture of an insane, out of control, violent
individual and the examples are poor. The DSM, because it doesn't need to, also does not mention that sociopaths, ironically and not so ironically, are the least likely to seek out therapy for their behavior. They see life as a series of moves
and sees the therapist as another pawn in their life. The therapist is often able to see through the facade of the sociopath. The sociopath hates that because they have worked very hard at keeping others from seeing their true selves.

While Michael Meyers is a sociopath, I would advise checking out this link.

An Open Letter to the tool at the Chinese restaurant

2006-09-21T22:01:00.000-05:00

Dear Tool at the Chinese Restaurant,

Really?

You really think you can pull that off? Most movie stars can't pull that off, let alone Mr. Self Important Tool.

The minute I saw that Bluetooth, I admit, I dropped my fork. I then imagined myself kangaroo hopping across two tables, jumping on your back, digging my heels into your thighs, biting off your ear, and spitting a bloody Bluetooth on the floor. I envisioned you screaming and hitting at your back as I thrashed around and the Bluetooth bounced across the floor in slow motion.

Seriously. No one, and I mean no one, is that fucking important that they must dine with the Bluetooth attached to their head. EVER.

Then, I realized you had the sunglasses on top of your head.

Why?
Why?
Why?

I arrived before you when it was night. I assumed when you arrived ten minutes later that it was still night. Why are sunglasses even on your person, let alone your head, as if you wore them in? Then, you had them on top of your head as you walked around the entire restaurant with your hands in your pockets, Mr. Smarmykins. Are you pretending to be a secret service agent? Or are you just naturally an asshat?

I had to think of a name for someone this ridiculous, this self absorbed, this tooly.

Here it is: Bluedouche

That is right. My sniglet for any self important jerkass that wears a Bluetooth device and sunglasses inside at night is Bluedouche.

Any person that talks incessantly on a Bluetooth in a public place, thus making you think that they are insanely talking to themselves, only to realize that they are just as ass is a Douchetooth.

Brothers of the Head and Little Miss Sunshine

2006-09-20T21:20:00.000-05:00

Visit me reviews here

Sister

2006-09-04T18:49:00.000-05:00

I am an only child. Well, I'm not REALLY an only child, but I was pretty much raised as one. I always longed for a sibling to play with, but that wasn't in the cards and at the age of ten, my parents divorced. I then knew that my chance for a blood sibling was over. The chance that either of my parents would have more children was slim to none.

Shortly after my parents divorced, my mother had befriended another divorced woman. This woman, apparently, had two daughters, one older and one younger than me. One day, this woman agreed to babysit me while my mother went to work. My life has not been the same since.

I went to her house and she too lived in a duplex. I went inside and was very nervous. Would these be nice girls or mean girls? Would they like me?

They were sleeping, but their mother told me to go into the bedroom that they shared.  There they were, an 11 year old and an 8 year old still in their beds.  I nervously
sat on the older one's bed. Her name was Melissa. The younger one, who I soon learned was named Lindy, sat up in her bed and started blowing bubbles
all over the bedroom. They both laughed hysterically. I laughed, but thought, "oh shit" at the same time.  I had already gotten into trouble at my own house for blowing bubbles in my room. I thought, well, maybe their mom is cool about
that stuff and I loosened up. Soon, we were talking and giggling and everything was grand. I loved these girls.

Soon, I would learn about Bumbleland, the perils of obtaining penny candy at
Ben Franklin, and about how easy it is to bust a flourescent light with a cast. I also thought that maybe this was what it was like to have sisters. I thought and now know that sometimes the best family that you get doesn't necessary share the same blood and that "chosen" sisters are still sisters.

I still can remembered when Melissa was eleven years old and would play the flute, show me the sign language that she taught herself, and wearing the same "Rude Dog" shirts that we had bought together. I also remember the, ahem, divorcee perm that we shared. Hideous.

I remember little Lindy, with her Pee Wee Herman Ice Cream Soup shirt, her Ramona Quimby haircut, and the fact that she owned not a single pair of blue jeans without a tremendous hole in it.  As well as our "independent film."

And, who could forget, the three of us loving the place that Lindy called
Bumbleland.

I was in Melissa's wedding when I was all of eighteen, thin as a stick. Though that marriage didn't work out (Thank GOD), I am still glad that I was in her
wedding. I even more happy that she has found a wonderful man that makes her happy now and that she has accomplished so much for herself.

My little sister Lindy was married last weekend. It was a truly beautiful affair. She was absolutely breathtaking. Melissa was gorgeous as well. They are two of the prettiest sisters that I know. I am proud of Lindy for everything that she is and will become.

I love you both, sisters.......

Shine on You Crazy Diamond

2006-07-31T21:31:00.000-05:00

I was in a car accident a few weeks ago. Just as I thought things were settling down, I started to really have pains in my neck. So, I went to the doctor and he gave me some muscle relaxers to help my neck and head and whatnot. The very night that I was driving home after getting pain killers, it happened. Something that has never happened before. I was barreling down 40 and I froze up. I couldn't feel my hands. I could barely breathe. I had to get off the highway. NOW!

I managed to get off the highway and drive all the way down side roads to my home. I immediately knew that this was not good.

I am anxious, even, dare I say excitable. I like to think that I am passionate, which, of course, I am. I hate to think that someone is being sleighted, I get very very upset. Very upset. Too upset.

Couple that with the fact that I have been depressed in the past. Very depressed. Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. Oh yeah, the screw loose syndrome runs in my family. Meet my mother. She is medicated and stresses me out from two seconds of talking to her. She is so anxious. I catch myself acting like her. It is awful.

I could barely sleep that night because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to drive to work the next day. I did and I worried all day at work that I wouldn't be able to drive. Once I was on the road, I was usually fine. I might freak out, but as long as the air was on, I breathed deeply, listened to the radio, and engaged in some self talk.

I knew I had to see a doctor. This was serious.

The earliest I could get in to see a bona fide psychiatrist, which makes me feel more comfortable, was in a month. A flippin month? I couldn't hold out for a month. I would have lost my mind by then.

So, I decided to see an M.D. Even though I think that their solution to everything is medication. Someone I had never seen before. I explained my dilemma and he explained that I was perfectly normal. He wasn't a quack. He said that I could be on the medication for maybe six months, it would help me work through my emotions, and we could proceed from there.

I've been taking medication now for four days and I'm having some side effects, including being tired and a little spaced out. I'm not really hungry and sometimes, I'm sick to my stomach. I am starting to feel less anxious, however. I just hope that zoned out feeling will disappear.

I'm still pro-therapy and anti-medication. I think medication is a band aid. That's why I'm keeping that original psychiatrist appointment and going to therapy. I really don't want to be on medication forever and I think I can control this if I had better tools and I actually followed through on therapy.

So, if you see me, sorry if I seem a little dazed. Hopefully, it will pass soon...............

Happy Endings

2006-07-24T21:00:00.000-05:00

Today, I went to work in my current position for the last time. At the end
of the day, I packed up my belongings in the moving crates and looked around my
naked cube for the last time. I threw stuff away and packed up every other relevant
scrap for my new position. It is truly amazing how much shit one can accumulate
and accomplish in four plus years in one position. Its truly amazing that the bulk
of what I am proud of in that position occured within the last year of employment
in that position and several occurences, including the moon in seventh house,gave
me the strength and confidence to lead a team, when I may have been intimidated by such a task a four years ago. I've had to fight co-workers, idiotic bosses, and sexist pigs to become the employee I am today; someone far more innovative that I would have thought possible in the creative stifling confines of
corporate America.

Somehow, I found a way, with the support of a very strong boss, whom I
admire on so many levels. I no longer will have to contend with the Gurgler and for all his backwards ass sexist thinking, I'm the one being given the opportunity to move on. I don't think he's too pleased, other than he thinks this will be his chance to be a shining star, as if I'm holding him back and not his own inept ways.

Today was my last day of that bullshit. There will be more bullshit to conquer.
This post is not only for myself, but for all the other women who have had the
courage and confidence to fight for your place somewhere when other people
worked hard to keep you down. In the words of Kelis:

"You don't have to love me..............you don't even have to like me...........but you will respect me."

I'm a boss!

For one more added bit of pleasure, I bring you the speech of Joss Whedon. Finally, a man with balls big enough and an ego small enough to realize that strong women characters shouldn't be rare enough to be questioned about it repeatedly. This is a REAL man.

'Lectricity

2006-07-23T21:59:00.000-05:00

For those of you that don't know, St. Louis was pooped on. Big time.  By the big
bad storm gods.  While I'm glad to report that we suffered very little damage in the
corner of my neighborhood, we were lucky because most of my neighborhood
got screwed.  As I type this, there are people without electricity mere blocks from
me and they haven't had it since Wednesday.

Manchester is a ghost town, with all the restaurants and bars closed.  While the quiet is a change of pace, its eery. Its strange. Its bizarre. I want it to be over.

I drove through my neighborhood today and saw the same people out on their porches
that I saw the day before and they are still without electricity.  I've seen the same elderly
woman out on her porch every day that I have driven past her house on Wednesday.
I wonder if she has food. I wonder if she has relatives.  I wonder if anyone cares
that she is sitting on her porch and I wonder how much money she gets a month
and if she can replace her spoiled food.  Only one of the markets near my house is open and it is a mere shadow of its former self as far as merchandise is concerned.

I hope everyone's electricity is operational soon.

Pee Wee made Lindy's shirt

2006-07-10T22:40:00.000-05:00

Tonight was the premiere of Pee Wee's Playhouse on Adult Swim.

When he made a snack, it was "Ice Cream Soup." Lindy had a mint green shirt when we were kids that said "Ice Cream Soup" and it had a little Pee Wee saying, "mmmmmmm" on it. She wore it until the fucker disintegrated.

I totally forgot about alot of the stuff like the big headed salesman, Randy the bully, and the King of Cartoons. However, as it was going along, I started to remember it. Did anyone notice that Natasha Lyonne played the little curly headed hippy girl?

Anyway, the episode was great. I recommend it for anyone looking for little piece of their childhood. Oh, and the secret word was door. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When the Rain Washes You Clean You'll Know

2006-07-06T21:13:00.000-05:00

So, last night I had a dream or a series of dreams, I'm not sure.
All I can remember, for sure, is that I figured out that I could move
objects with my mind.  In the dream, I was laying in my bed, I looked
at an object on the floor and it moved. Soon, I was starting to move
objects left and right with very little mental force.

However, I soon lost control of the power and I became a human magnet
for objects. I tried to run from objects, but everything seemed to be chasing
me, which was quite upsetting. Eventually, only clothing was following me.
Strange, I know. My bandmates (did I mention I was in a band in this dream?)
Well, I was in a band and I had short blonde hair. Anyhoo, my bandmates
somehow found out that I was being chased by clothes because I needed to
be naked, in the rain, for a reason. Here's the killer. In my dream, it was
a perfectly logical reason. I cannot, for the life of me, remember that
reason. This dream, it had jokes, an intricate plot line, and the nude
rain dance was for a purpose. It was clever and it all tied together.

There was a skip in the dream, after my naked rain dance, where I
was walking down red velvet stairs in a theatre. I passed Elton John
*no idea why* and said hello to him. He indicated to me that he would
be willing to do the Awards show (I have no clue,again,what he was
talking about in retrospect) since my host had backed out.

I crossed the stage covered with stone sculptures of simple figures such
as spheres, pyramids, squares and walked to a microphone. With the
spotlights upon me, I began to speak, and then woke up.

What in the hell does all this mean? I wish I could remember the naked rain
dance, as it was completely clever, which is sort of scary, since it was probably
more clever than something I would devise in my waking life.

Can anyone give me an interpretation???????????

Everything is Illuminated (2005)

2006-07-05T22:07:00.000-05:00

A stranger in a strange land..........................

NACHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

2006-06-28T23:36:00.000-05:00

Nacho Libre!

Jeff Buckley

2006-06-16T22:25:00.000-05:00

Recently, a friend of mine introduced me to Pandora and I made up a zillion different little stations for myself and I float around from station to station. I created a station for Jeff Buckley, whom I had not heard in a year or two, but suddenly wanted to hear. I, of course, was not disappointed by the music of Mr. Buckley. If you have not heard anything by Jeff Buckley, I highly encourage buying Mystery White Boy*live* or Grace, which is an excellent album. "Last Goodbye", "Grace", "Hallelujah", and "Mojo Pin" are my favorites, though the entire album is wonderful. "Last Goodbye" puts a lump in my throat every single time.

Jeff Buckley on the album cover of Grace

They Made Me Do It

2006-06-13T20:54:00.000-05:00

Donnie Darko

I posted!

2006-06-11T23:02:00.000-05:00

Reviewmaven

It's called Strep THROAT, honey

2006-06-10T10:26:00.000-05:00

I saw this question on the Yahoo Medical questions:

Is it true that when you’re a carrier for strep throat that you get an itchy butt?

In case you are wondering, the answer is no.

Hot Dogs and Nachos

2006-06-01T21:24:00.000-05:00

I must tell everyone. Today, on my way to work, I saw the WEINERMOBILE! It was so fab-o. I could see the end of the weiner in the distance and I knew immediately that it was the Weinermobile. I had to see it in all its weiner glory.

So, I did what anyone else would do. SPEED UP! I had to track down this thing. I had to drive next to it. I became insane with the need to ride alongside the Weinermobile. I slowly approached the WM and became very excited. As I was closing in on this yellow and orange beauty, I saw this on the WM's butt:

Then, I was upon it! There I was, riding alongside the Weinermobile, just the two of us. All I could do was stare in awe at its size. A giant hot dog, people. With wheels. On the highway. My stars it just does not get any better.

Once past the WM, I quickly moved into its lane and I felt as if I was being chased by the evil Weinermobile. It was one of the single greatest car rides to work EVER!

And now for something completely different......................Is it just me or is Nacho Libre a must see? The commercial where he throws the bee hive on his buddy and when he says "These are my recreation clothes" and clenches his butt? Hells ya!

I've been busy NOT laughing

2006-05-31T20:50:00.000-05:00

I read a statistic the other day that I had heard before but didnt' believe or at least, didn't want to believe. Apparently, children laugh 400 times a day. Adults? You wanna know, on average, how many times a day adults laugh? 15. Fifteen. Write it numerically or spell it out. Either way, fifteen/15 sucks. You take your 400 times a day carefree kindergartner divide it by approximately 27 and you get your average, run of the mill, nose to the grindstone, joyless adult.

Now, I will admit that there are many days that I exceed the fifteen mark. There are many days that fifteen can eat my dust. I pick up fifteen, I body slam it, I piledrive it into the mat, and I scream, "Take that you fucking joyless adulthood." Then, I walk away, laughing..........aahhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa!!!

However, with things like paying bills, going to work, the grind of life, and the possibility of carefree spontaneity dwindling with the mundane business of being an adult, I see why its fifteen. I understand why its fifteen. There are some days that fifteen is just too hard. I'm sorry, for there is no joy in Mudville, it just ain't happen' today. Can I just fucking please get to work without fifteen assholes cutting me off? If my adult asshole quotient were fifteen, believe me, my stats would be through the fucking roof. Totally attainable.

Somehow, I just can't imagine that life was intended to be this steady downhill slope into a life without laughter. Something just isn't right here. Adults are really caught up in the, as I mentioned before, business and the bullshit of being adults. There is alot of both. With all this seriousness and, quite frankly, needless time and energy spent on impressing people, obssessing about money, and devising strategies, what happened to just being?

Regret

2006-05-30T22:30:00.000-05:00

This blog has been dead. It needs a shot of energy.............here it goes.................

Tonight, while at the Y, I was getting ready to leave and there were three young girls, maybe 12 or 13 standing and talking in their swimming suits. One girl, thin as a rail, with soft brown curls stood on a bench, faced herself in the mirror, and announced to her friends, "See? Fat thighs." They were at my left and I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw this gangly, slip of a girl and couldn't believe my ears. Neither of her friends responded to her comments. She sat down on the bench, looked at herself in the mirror and announced, "My hair is so ugly." I began to get sick to my stomach. How could this girl, all of twelve, already loathe her physical appearance?

I started to think about myself at 12. I have fought with my weight for most of my life. I was thin, very thin, for a few years, but I eventually put it back on. Its genetic and, well, I really like to eat and be slovenly. It's a gift.

I have dieted, I have resolved to lose weight, I have cried at being teased, I have starved myself, I have exercised, and yes, I have even hated myself for being the horrible horrible terrible fat person. I have also looked in that mirror when I weighed 130 pounds (I'm 5'10") and thought I could lose just five more pounds.

My mother dieted all of my life. My mother struggled with her weight and continues to struggle with it. It can become all consuming. I know my mother has felt worthless, as I have felt worthless, for committing the crime of being fat. I know that I have gotten these thoughts, feelings, and I'll say it, sickness from her, just as I'm sure she got it from her mother, whose mother died, but probably got these ridiculous ideas from someone.

Being thin is the "right" thing to do. Its the proper thing to do. Why, how does a fat woman find a mate? Being fat is a form of rebellion and society doesn't like rebellious women. Its still perfectly acceptable to degrade a woman for being fat. That's disgusting.

What's even worse is that we, as women, continue to fall for this bullshit and pass it on to other beautiful girls who will believe that there is only one standard of beauty and not breaking their backs to attain it is unacceptable.

I know, its unhealthy to be fat and I know, being fat may not be what is the culturally acceptable standard of beauty (whatever the fuck that means), but am I no longer a human being? Does my rounder appearance deserve a complete lack of respect? I think not.

I wanted to sit that girl down and tell her that she was beautiful, no matter how she looked, that she could study and go to school, and be anything that she wanted to be and to not waste another second of her life worrying and stewing and crying about her physical appearance. I wanted to scream it from the top of my lungs.

I said nothing. I watched her tiny frame saunter away to the swimming pool and sighed with regret.

I posted!

2006-05-30T22:19:00.000-05:00

and I helped.

Check out the movie website o' fun:

http://reviewmaven.wordpress.com/

This is my movie review website. It started off slow, but I promise, you're in for a bumpy ride.

All the Hot Boys in St. Charles are Scottish

2006-05-21T19:27:00.000-05:00

Yes, Boy, you heard me. All the hotties we saw on Saturday in the Lewis and Clark parade were kilt-wearing, pipe-playing Scotsman.

Oh man.

Doin' the Butt, awwwwwwwww, sexy, sexy

2006-05-20T00:44:00.000-05:00

Please, cautiously, check out this website. It was brought to my attention by a friend of a friend.

Ben Starr's Scarf. Oh yeah, and his butt.

Happy Mother's Day

2006-05-14T13:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Mother's Day to my seesters, who are both mothers. You are both great mamas!

Hot Mess Walking

2006-05-11T11:32:00.000-05:00

This is my last post about family for Sugared Harpy, crossposted here. All future family rants will be posted on the beacon of safety, Penny Candy.

A few days ago I read THIS POST on AngryBlackBitch. All I could do was think, yes. YES. She nailed my experiences with my mother and the experiences I feel my chosen sister Anne has had with her mother as both our moms plotted together to party, party, party during our childhood and teen years.

Our lives with our moms are not the same as ABB's. Our experiences are not the same in any way. And yet, she nailed it. Our mothers were self-serving during our youth. My relationship with my mother is in a weird place right now as she yo-yos from a solid place of normalcy to her current state of man-serving that I cannot stomach. My sister fares better, I think, because of her most excellent understanding nature. I can see that Anne is moving to a healthier place with her mom and I envy it as much as I am so happy for her for getting closer to a good relationship.

I still live in a place where my mother happily applauds my accomplishments on occasion, mostly, it feels as though she's bragging about her own efforts. I still live in a place where I hear her unhealthy remarks about my house and my weight. I still live in a place where I hate how she allows herself and her family to be objectified by boyfriends. I still live in a place where I do not forgive her for allowing men into my life, and people into my house, who wanted to molest my sister and me. I still live in a place where I hate myself for allowing her to bring men into my children's lives who creep me out and who consistently try to get one of them alone. I still live in a place where I do not respect her for her constant phrase, "Andy says you should..." I cannot forgive this person she becomes around men or the fleeting promise of irresponsibility.

When she is good, she is phenomenal. I love her dearly. But when she is not good, she is upsetting at best and horrifying at worst. I want a better relationship, but I need to learn how to deal instead of trying to fix her.

AngryBlackBitch's post hit me in the gut. Her experience is hard-hitting and mine pales in comparison. However, I feel connected to this experience of hers and that says a little something in the back of my head. I realized why I apologize for every little thing, regardless of fault. Why I am the first to buckle. Why I assume a problem came from me. I am not okay. Obviously, but I needed to know it. I'm not okay with my mother and I need to learn how I want to handle it. It's been decades and she continues in her path, I need to adjust mine to functionally handle her ways. I need to learn how to move beyond what she instilled me to do, submit first, ask questions later.

I am not submissive in the way I was in the years of my first marriage, culminating in two births that changed my demeanor and my life forever. Mike has helped me heal in a thousand ways and allowed me to be strong in all things. But it's in the little things that I revert back to childhood ways. I apologize, I submit, I assume I'm wrong because I am still told how wrong I am. Too messy...too fat...Andy has a solution to your children's ways...and your husband is a beacon of all that is good and holy and all but shouldn't he exercise more?

No. We're fine. I will be fine.

ABB had these things to say (in snippets, read her full post for the rest):

Mothers love their chil’ren and chil’ren love their mothers…that is the social understood and those of us who have a different experience are confronted daily with that shit. There are exceptions made for physical abuse and sexual abuse, but mental abuse…well, that is still seen as a matter of degree by the majority. Most people can not imagine a parent doing anything that warrants a severing of all ties.

This brings a bitch to Mother’s Day and people’s well intentioned assumptions about a bitch and my mother.

"You’re mother must be so proud of you."

Or.

"You must have an awesome mother."

Nope, this bitch’s mother is a hot mess walking and my ass is a survivor of the nuclear meltdown that is her life...

...This bitch was trained from birth to be manipulated. For years, my ass greeted confrontation and critique with an automatic apology. The notion that something was not my fault was foreign…everything was always my fault. So, my ass was sorry that my co-workers car broke down…sorry that the printer was on the blitz…sorry that the economy sucked and so on...

...A bitch no longer apologizes for shit my ass didn’t do. My ass enjoys the tiny tasks that were so long lorded over me as too complex for me to accomplish…balancing my checkbook, paying my bills, making choices, expressing anger and displeasure, enjoying the act of living and the joy of fucking up without fearing retribution and punishment.

And amazingly, a bitch feels certain…to my core certain…that my ass understands Mother’s Day better than most.

No one savors the taste and texture of food like someone who has known hunger.

So a bitch celebrates the mother figures that have been there for me over the years.

And this bitch is liberated and grateful for it… a survivor, and powerful because of it.

There is joy in this life.

That is what my ass celebrates on Mother’s Day.

I say, thank you and amen, to Shark-fu at AngryBlackBitch.

Dear Sisters,

2006-05-06T17:43:00.000-05:00

Dearest Sisters,

You may have read THIS. If not, here is the important bit.

I'm going to unlink Penny Candy from Sugared Harpy. I'm afraid of family finding it, and then finding this blog, and then this blog isn't a safe haven for family bitching.

Tell me how you feel, REALLY. Does this bother you?

I'm think I'm going to link you in this way: it will make them send an email to me to ask for it. I'll be happy to give the link, but maybe I have more control of it?

Hell, I don't know. What do you think?

Love,
your sister

Cotton Hill eats at the Joy Luck Buffet

2006-05-03T20:57:00.000-05:00

Eric and I eat Chinese food about once a week. The guy at the place on Lindell knows us. I had to stop going there because, we'll he knows us. That's too much Chinese food.

So, tonight we went out for Chinese and it was great. While we were there, an old man was talking loudly about how he fought in World War II. I thought, well, that old man is about 85 years old, he fought in a war, for four years and he's still kicking. Good for him.

So, we're sitting there, enjoy our assorted delicious buffet and the old man goes up to pay. He's chit chatting away with the guy behind the counter and tell him how he's Italian and grew up on the Hill and how the best Italian restaurant is in someone's home. I was listening intently, well, he was loud, so I heard the whole bit. He then tells the guy that he was in the war for four and half years and he killed Japanese. ALOT of Japanese. If it wasn't for him, we would all be speaking Japanese and German right now.

We both started giggling. I asked Eric, "I wonder if he killed fiddy men. Does he have his shins?"

Eric inspected him and said, "He DOES look short."

Now, if Dee Dee and little GH had been there, I would HAVE known it was the real life Cotton Hill.

I slack off..................

2006-05-03T20:55:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry.

I'll try to do less of that.

If you love Natalie Dee

2006-04-25T21:49:00.000-05:00

Then you'll love Married to the Sea!!!

For you, because I love you

2006-04-20T17:55:00.000-05:00

When you have about five hours to kill, click on this.
FAT DOLLIE

Imagine

2006-04-11T20:48:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, on the way home from work, I heard on the radio that someone is making a film about John Lennon, or actually Mark David Chapman. Mark David Chapman is the man who assasinated or killed (depending on your view of the word "assasinated") John Lennon. He waited for Lennon on December 10th, 1980 outside JL's apartment at the Dakota in NYC, shouted "Mr.Lennon", and shot John Lennon four times. Lennon died on his way to the hospital, after losing much of his blood. The day before that I had actually wondered why they had never made a movie about Lennon's life. When arrested, Chapman had hours of Beatles' songs on tape, as well as a copy of "The Catcher in the Rye", one of my favorite books. Odd.

I always liked the Bealtes, as my mother was a fan and I liked them more as I entered high school. While I always found Paul to be the most attractive (did you know he and his wife Linda only spent on night apart in their entire 30 year marriage?), there was something mysterious about John. Maybe it was because he was killed by a crazy fan (in the 60s, he once speculated in an interview that he would be killed by some "loony"), or that he protested , or his wife supposedly broke up the band. As an adult I realized he was a Libra (as am I, if you believe in that sort of thing) and I understood this intense love that he must have had for Yoko (Libras can be intense in love) and I came to know how artistic and outspoken and how he just wanted a beautiful world for everyone (Libras strive for harmony). I'm sure that sounds so corny to everyone else, but to me, that is truly a beautiful idea, as I'm sure it was to him as well.

I am sure to be one of the first to see this movie when it comes out.

That being said, here is a list of some of the best (in my opinion) movies about music:

ALMOST FAMOUS: Truly one of the greatest music movies. Semi-autobiographically based on Cameron Crowe's own life experience, it is the story of a 15 year old William who goes on tour with a band to write an article for Rolling Stone. He is in love with Penny Lane (Kate Hudson), who is in love with Russell (Billy Crudup), the guitar player. Starring Jason Lee and Francis McDormand is perfect as William's mother. I've seen this movie several times, as it is one of my faves.

VELVET GOLDMINE: Starring Christian Bale, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, and Ewan McGregor. Story revolving around 70s glam rock (Bowie, Iggy Pop, Lou Reed). Its a pretty good story, but its really good eye candy. The cinematography and music are wonderful. I own the soundtrack.

BACKBEAT: Chronicles the early Beatles, before they were famous. Mostly revolves around unknown Beatle Stu Sutcliffe and his relationships with both Lennon and his girlfriend.

THE JOSEPHINE BAKER STORY: This is a movie detailing the life of St. Louis native Josephine Baker, who went on to be a vaudeville star and fought for the Civil Rights Movement in the United States, even while living in France.

LA BAMBA: Ricardo Valenzuela (Ritchie Valens) is the subject of this film. It details his musical career, his girlfriend and the racism regarding their relationship, and his family problem. The ending is heartbreaking.

SID AND NANCY: Sad tale of the love story between Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols and his girlfriend Nancy Spungeon. This is pretty good, but its so depressing I only watched it once.

WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?: Volatile portrayal of the marriage of Ike and Tina Turner. However, she finds the strength to leave his ass and have a comeback.

THE SONG REMAINS THE SAME: Led Zeppelin concert with strange little vignettes. If you like Zeppelin, you'll like it. Lots of close ups of Robert Plant's compressed cock in his super tight jeans.

TOMMY: The Who's Rock Opera about a deaf, dumb, and blind pinball wizard. A few disturbing parts and its a little strange, but I love the oddness of it all.

YELLOW SUBMARINE: Beatles cartoon about, you guessed it, a yellow submarine. Seriously tripped out.

THE COMMITMENTS: First movie in the Barrytown trilogy (if you like this movie, check out "The Snapper" and "The Van"). Irish youths decide to start a soul band. I've seen this several times and I just can't help but love this movie.

PURPLE RAIN: Forget that Chapelle made fun of Prince playing basketball. This movie is corny in some parts, but its such an 80s classic. I own the soundtrack.

THIS IS SPINAL TAP: 80s spoof about Heavy Metal bands. Truly hilarious. They make a tiny Stonehenge.

THE WALL: Movie based on Pink Floyd's "concept album" of the same name. The movie centers around Pink and details his life. The movie is very metaphorical and full of animation, as well as live action. I own this and have watched it several times and am always mesmerized by the rich layers of this movie. The album was autobiographical, based on Roger Waters and Syd Barrett. Bob Geldof (now Sir) gives a commanding performance as Pink.

Honorable mentions: Sweet Dreams, The Rose, Five Hearbeats, Basketball Diaries, Coalminer's Daughter, Selena, Bojangles, The Rat Pack, Grace of my Heart, Truth or Dare, The Doors, and High Fidelity

Post 200

2006-04-10T21:29:00.000-05:00

Yeah!

Do the PennyCandy 200th Post Dance!

I like to make things

2006-04-08T00:48:00.000-05:00

I have made a cartoon.

Of my Bitches.

And who are my bitches?

Why, you two, of course. Here you are!

Peanut Butter Jerry Time!

2006-04-03T20:08:00.000-05:00

Peanut Butter Jerry, Peanut Butter Jerry, Peanut Butter Jerry with a baseball bat!

If you have the time, check out Sweatpantsmom's blog. It is SO worth it.

I found one of THE GREATEST THINGS ON THERE: It's Jerry Time.

Seriously, this is totally flippin hysterical. This Jerry guy is so genuinely hilarious. This will make you laugh when you are down. I don't know how we've made it this long without knowing this existed.

Go now. If you don't laugh at the landlord/broken pipe one, especially the part where he gets out of the shower and his chest is heaving, you are no friend of mine. I think Lindi will crack up at that part.

Looky Looky what I found............

2006-04-01T20:58:00.000-06:00

Make your own here.

I STILL love toys

2006-03-28T22:54:00.000-06:00

VH1 has been showing "I love Toys" now on and off for weeks. I've watched the entire countdown twice and bits and pieces whenever I catch it. I can't stop. I swear Michael Ian Black and Greg Fitzsimmons are totally worth it. Greg Fitzsimmons is so sick. Everytime I see #13 The Snoopy Sno Cone Machine, I get upset because I never fucking had one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look how fucking great that looks!
Eric keeps saying "Why don't you just go buy one? I've been hearing about how you never had one as a kid for three years." I'm a little obsessed. I started complaining about my Snoopy Sno Cone free childhood shortly after we met and had been doing so for years before we knew each other even existed.

On a funnier note, when discussing Barbie, an old commercial was shown and the voiceover said, "Barbie has a twist and turn waist so that she can bend over and serve Ken lemonade". Isn't that the funniest fucking shit ever? Ken would hate me. "Ken, you better get yer ass in there and make Mama some lemonade. She had a hard day at work."

V for Vendetta

2006-03-25T18:45:00.000-06:00

Overall grade: B

Before we even went and saw this movie, I checked out the review on Yahoo! movie. Let me recommend that you never do this. Rarely do I ever find out what the movie is about or if its good, etc. ESPECIALLY a political movie (ex. Brokeback Mountain) People who have NEVER EVEN SEEN THE MOVIE will go on political diatribes and you just get so damned frusterated that you give up. Anyway, the reviews said it was a "Anti-Bush, Pro-Islam vehicle of fascist liberal Hollywood." When anyone says a polarized view about anything, I have to go see it and make my own decision.

After the movie, Eric and I discussed. My first thought were, what in the hell were those people talking about! I think that the comment that bothered me the most in the review section was the following: "They weren't even that oppressed. They only had a curfew!" Before I saw the movie, that pissed me off! I'm a flippin' adult. I'll go and be anywhere I want any damned time that I want, thank you very fucking much. However, after I saw that movie, I thought, "That person must have been fucking idiotic." They had a curfew and Natalie Portman was about to be raped before she was saved by V. Secondly, art, music, etc was banned at the whim of the chancellor. People were carted off into concentration camps, especially those people that were found objectionable. They weren't even allowed to eat butter! What is this person talking about that they weren't oppressed? Exactly how controlled do they have to be for this to be oppression? Eric and I discussed it and the person probably didn't find it objectionable because I suppose, in this person's mind, we should be able to ban "objectionable" art or drag away "unacceptable" people in society.

I honestly did not see this as a direct slam against George. W. Bush. Are we so single minded in this country that everything must be about us??? I think that this movie had a message about government control of its people in general. There were concentration camps in the movie, yet not one single person drew a link between the Chancellor and Hitler. It may have been obvious, but not one single person even mentioned it. WTF??

They were two mentions of gays, so of course its "pro homo" as one person put it. Another person even wrote that the gay scenes were probably added after the Brokeback Mountain Oscar nod and that the gay scenes were pointless. Pointless? They were put in concentration camps ONLY BECAUSE THEY WERE GAY. Does that sound pointless? Also, those stories aided in Natalie Portman's character to actually become enlightened about the government.

I think what most people missed is that the movie takes aim at our own complacency and sheer political laziness as people. When someone who is not like us is attacked, it is not often our first instinct to stand up for that person.

Reverend Martin Niemoller, who spent time in German concentration camps, said the following:
"In Germany, they first came for the communists and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the Jews and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the Catholics. I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak up."

I liked the movie. I believe some of it could have been more adequately explained (background of "V"), etc. However, please do not take my word for it. Check it out and let me know if you dis/agree.

Also, for those of you that live in the Saint Louis area, please see at least one movie in your life at the Moolah Theater and Lounge on Lindell. There is nothing better than watching a movie on a giant leather loveseat with your honey. Complimentary candy handed out at the end of the show. There is also a bowling alley in the basement. Check it out!

Duuuuuuhhhhhhhh

2006-03-23T18:51:00.000-06:00

This is me trying to figure out why the camera wasn't working. Well, it was....

I have problems if this is what I look like all of the time...

Bea's Peep Show

2006-03-23T18:40:00.000-06:00

When Bea wants attention...she shows you her vagina. Don't we all?

H is for Herpes

2006-03-23T17:53:00.000-06:00

Every Year at school, right before picture day, I would break out in a cold sore. It is a vile, horrid thing that lands in the same place every motherf*$@#!@ time! I think stress causes this sickening sight! I hate it! I am actually skipping a softball parent meeting tonight, because I can't stand the thought of those socccer mom's thinking "she's too young to have a 9 year old and LOOOOK, she has a herpe on her FACE, she must be a lose one, don't ya know!" No, I don't have them in my twinkie area, just my face. Everyone is born with it, only some break out. Including ME! On top of this entire ordeal, I choked on a booger today. Yeah, a booger. I had and ichy nose and sniffed realy hard and a booger became lodged into my lungs. It never reappeared. It's still there. I feel like a herpe-booger monster. What do you think?

Why have a small weenie............when you can have a giant kielbasa?

2006-03-21T22:44:00.000-06:00

Does anyone else get these e-mails? I received an e-mail from some anonymous whatever and the sender was "whyhaveasmallweenie" and the subject was "whenyoucanhaveagiantkabosa". (I think that they meant kielbasa). I also received an e-mail from MakeyourmanHOOD and the subject was biggerthanthePORNSTARS. Bethebiggerman sent me a reply, but I don't remember sending him/her anything. I've also received e-mails from peepeegrowth and and invitation from Melony Wright to be "fuk friends" and from Michelle re:a secret relationship. I also get tips on making her cum/CUM/cUM/come/cumm (I'm not sure who "her" is) and there are always random women inviting me to watch them get it on with a roomate/co-worker/repairman, etc.

When did someone get the impression that I have a penis? Even if I did, I wouldn't take advice from anyone name Peepeegrowth.

I didn't send it, but it's my secret too

2006-03-18T21:55:00.000-06:00

Family Values

2006-03-14T20:56:00.000-06:00

Whilst working out at the Y, I saw a story on t.v. that said that the AFA is boycotting Ford Motor Company for one year because they refused to stop funding ads in Gay and Lesbian publications. I also read a story on the internet and this is the quote that I find particularly disturbing because they think its negative:

"Family" is much more than the traditional family".
Thomas Anderson, executive V.P. of Volvo of North America.

Excuse me? How exactly is this a negative thing to say? This is the kind of shit that makes me insane. Family is MORE than whatever cotton pickin bullshit one of these narrow minded hatemongers thinks that it is. They think its Mom, Dad, and X number of little ones. If the husband and wife can't have children or God forbid, don't want children, does that make their family any less of a "real" family? Or if a boyfriend and girlfriend or same sex partners have children, does that make their family less "real?" I don't fucking get it folks. I'll never fucking get it. This narrow idea of who is a "correct" family and who isn't and the fact that they think that homosexuality is actually destroying America! People are divorcing at record rates in this country. How does homosexuality contribute to that?? Of all of the "immoral" things that people do, they target this one. Heteros are screwing up America all the time, without the aid of the gays. The thing is, America has oppressed women and minorities, even done embarrassing and unspeakable things to them. America is still here. If we can withstand THOSE acts, I'm sure homosexuality won't be our downfall.

One more thing that they also disapproved of was the fact that Ford had mandatory diversity training. Whether or not these morons like it, many different kinds of people, NOT just gays, work together more and more. Don't you think people should be aware of what may be offensive to someone else? I'm not talking about being afraid to be yourself at your job, I'm just talking about being respectful, apparently not a "traditional" family value.

I'm Not Getting Any Better, But 'Tis a Step Up From the Monkey

2006-03-08T21:37:00.000-06:00

Make your own Einstein chalkboard HERE.

Someone Help Me

2006-03-03T09:38:00.000-06:00

I can't stop making THESE. They're hilarious! She fluffs her gown! Ha!

Don't need nuthin' but a good time and it don't get better than this.....

2006-02-23T22:50:00.000-06:00

A curious thing happened on the way to work today. I saw a person with a tinted back window and on top of the tinting was this:

I could not believe my eyes. Yes, people. This is what covered this person's entire back window. Oh, but I'm not finished yet. This is their license plate:
POISYN

I was in shock for a full two minutes. I couldn't stop staring. I thought I might be having a delusion that I was magically transported back to 1989. Then, I went into "I must see the driver" mode. I tried with all my gasoline, but the mighty Poison/Poisyn mobile was just too fast for me.

If you see this car, please try and see the driver. I think C.C. Deville moved to St. Louis.

Revised

2006-02-23T22:05:00.000-06:00

I like this much better!

Lindy wuz here!

2006-02-22T21:38:00.000-06:00

Hello! I'm here. Nothing new. Just working my behind off and trying to paint a bit. I am starting to paint in black and white. Shading has always been a small problem for me. Painting people has been my biggest problem. I'll keep working on it. This was inspired by my little one. Any pointers would be appreciated! Anyone? I need help! I want it to look less like a cartoon and more realistic.

Top Five Movies From My Childhood that Stand the Test of Time

2006-02-19T16:21:00.000-06:00

5. Revenge of the Nerds

4. The Neverending Story

This is one of THE saddest movie moments of my childhood. It breaks my heart to look at it.
3. The Princess Bride

2. Labyrinth

1. Pee Wee's Big Adventure

Fly-y-y-y-y Freebird Yeah!

2006-02-15T21:37:00.001-06:00

Anybody else sick of this place????????????

Anyone wanna venture someplace besides this burg?

I hate winter.

Anyone?

Where in the hell is Lindi?

2006-02-15T21:37:00.000-06:00

Double Inspiration

2006-02-09T22:15:00.000-06:00

First off, Gene, I apologize for the delay in posting. Been busy..............

I went to the Y the other day and hurt myself. I got a little ambitious and lifted too much weights like a dumbass. I don't know why. I was feelin' mighty tough and thought I would just lift tons of weight tons of time and my effing back was hurting.

However, I went back today; determined to just do some cardio. I was doing pretty well, but I still was pushing it and whining in my head. Then, in the door, enters a group of people. They are part of some class and at the end of the class they always come in and run some laps. There is a pregnant woman RUNNING laps. Read that again. I will emphasize better this time with the aid of "ALL CAPS". A PREGNANT WOMEN WAS RUNNING. FAST. IN HER SECOND TRIMESTER. MAYBE BEGINNING OF HER THIRD. I was whining because I'm out of shape and this PREGNANT woman is just running away. That was my first inspiration. If she can do it, I can do it. She'll probably give birth in the swimming pool and then do some laps there too.

Inspiration number two: Class instructor. Ripped. Deep Voice. Sweaty enough to see his fine, toned ass through his shorts. Fabulous.

I'm Irritated with My In-Laws. The World is Lucky I Don't Have a Bigger Shovel.

2006-02-09T16:43:00.000-06:00

That is all.

Unless...do you want to pick my kids up from school twice a week? You do? Excellent.

White Trash Update

2006-01-30T19:51:00.000-06:00

My ex-roommate called to tell me that her ex-convict alcoholic boyfriend asked her to marry him. Free beer and parole hearings all around!

Welcome to Jury Duty

2006-01-30T19:10:00.000-06:00

So, I had jury duty today. Or should I say, I was behind the velvet ropes of jury duty. There was over 200 people in that jury room. Had to have been. People were called in groups of 20 or so. We broke for lunch. I still hadn't been called. I ate at a so-so Pizza Buffet on 11th and Olive. It was really freaking cold outside. I had to park on 15th and Clark to go to Tucker, which isn't far, but it was COLD. Anyhoo, I went to the powder room and walked back behind the velvet ropes. I watched Cops. I watched Judge Joe Brown. I watched Judge Alex. I watched Divorce Court. I was SICK of the damned law. Between watching a police chase on tv, watching the same police chase on CNN at lunch, watching COPS, and watching every single judge show known to daytime television, I was sick of the whole judicial system and I was STILL behind the velvet ropes of jury duty. During this whole ordeal, they are calling juror numbers that AREN'T mine!!! Finally, there are only 16 of us left (I counted). I was thinking, "YES! There is no way I'll miss out on the next call." Then, one of those little baliffs says, "You are dismissed for the day. Please come back tomorrow morning and come to the desk for parking validation." W-T-F????

So, I'll be first in line of the losers when I return tomorrow. This guy in the shuttle said, "I feel so rejected". Amen, brother, amen.

On a funnier note, the name of our video was "Welcome to Jury Duty". Immediately, I thought of DTN's Liberace/Barry Manilow muppet boyfriend. I couldn't help it. If only the title could have denoted a nervous stutter, I would have been rolling in the aisles.

You are welcome

2006-01-29T20:45:00.000-06:00

Thanks to Ariel at Electrolicious, I found this nugget of joy. I'm serious. Pure JOY!

First, watch this.
Click Here for Mr. Spears jamming to his brilliant new song

Then, watch this.
James Lipton does a dramatic reading of PopoZao's moving lyrics

Last, watch this. Do it. It's peanut butter jel-ly time.
The Peanut Butter Jelly Time Remix of PopoZao

I'm still snorting milk out of my nose.

Let's Make Sandwiches!!

2006-01-26T21:35:00.000-06:00

Today, I went to the Deparment of Revenue to buy my new license stickers (oh joy!!!). Whilst standing in line, I noticed that one of the workers was wearing a shirt with this on it:

Suddenly, I REALLY HAD to have this crazy haired, sandwich shirted boy wait on me. He was all of 19 (I'm not kidding) and I had to see that shirt close up. I patiently waited in line. I narrowly missed being waited on by a Farrah Fawcett haired lady. Fortunately for me, the customer ahead of me forgot one of the 800 pieces of paperwork to get her license plate renewed (Most of you yahoos have lived here since God was a baby. You KNOW you need your proof of insurance. Geez. Stop making me waste more of my life in stupid lines. You know what you need, you DOR sticker gettin' fucks!).

So, whilst going through me paperwork, I stared at his wonderful shirt, knowing that someday, that shirt would me MINE!

Check out other art by Natalie Dee:
http://www.nataliedee.com/

CHiPs

2006-01-25T21:44:00.000-06:00

Did anyone watch that show CHiPs when they were a kid? For those of you who didn't or for those of you who have forgotten, CHiPs (California Highway Patrol) was a cop dramedy about these cops on motorcycles. The main characters were Ponch (Erik Estrada) and Jon (Larry Wilcox) and basically they just chased people around on the highway or whatever to bad 70s made-for-tv disco music and then chased tail the last 10 or so minutes of EVERY show. My grandma was in love with Ponch and used to yell, so help me, "Get 'em Ponch" everytime he was about to bust someone. She also was in love with Chuck Norris. There is nothing funnier or stranger than an old woman in a sundress with house shoes, smoking a cigarette and cheering on her t.v. boyfriends.

Here's my point: In every damned episode, why was there always some huge flippin car crash involved either a) about ten cars and the last car always somehow didn't just land in the pile, but JUMP the already crashed nine cars or b) a bubble window van with some pimp or drug dealer behind the wheel or some teenager (of course) and the dumb bastard flips it? Every single time. I think that they should have spent more money on script and less on special effects. That's all I'm saying. Then, we would have ended every show with some lame joke like the time Ponch fell off the side of some sailboat and everyone laughed like it was the best damned joke in the world............

"Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."

2006-01-19T21:32:00.000-06:00

Everyone, LISTEN UP! I have found the most fabulous website:

http://www.heartless-bitches.com

Honestly. Seriously. Go now! Do not wait. This is for any woman or man who is sick of stupid, societal stereotypes about both sexes (even though its mostly women). This is especially for strong women who are sick of the wimps batting their eyelashes, acting stupid around any man, being just plain helpless, and giving the rest of us a bad name.

Run!!! Don't walk.

I'll be waiting.

Good Luck, Aaron

2006-01-18T22:11:00.000-06:00

I had the most awful dream last night. I dreamt that I was back at the first college that I transferred from before going to SIUC. Aaron was there as well, but we hadn't transferred. It was the end of my senior year. I was packing everything up and the realization that it was my senior year was upon me. I can remember feeling this sadness. Not just dreaming it, but feeling this sadness in my body as I dreamt it. I just remember looking around the campus, seeing dark clouds, and a window open with a single, white curtain blowing out of it. It felt so final and I felt empty and alone.

I know I will miss Aaron.

Good luck, friend.

Young men, there's no need to be down..........

2006-01-18T21:42:00.000-06:00

So, I did it. I joined the Y-M-C-A. Put your hands up, you know you want to.

I'm out of shape, people, but in the words of Bill Murray from "What about Bob?", "I'm doing the work, I'm baby steppin". I've been there and I'm cardio, I'm lifting the weights. I see no results yet. I know its only been a few days, but I'm very results oriented, hence my love of eating. Yes, you are so delicious, right now in my mouth, you silky, sexy, naughty chocolate cake. I am cutting back, but I'm not dieting. Fuck that. I will always like food, I'm just watching it.

The only thing about the Y: the locker room. I have to get used to seeing so many other lady tacos. I was trying to be modest and some old lady bent over and I saw it all, man. I was like, damn, I'm trying to cover myself in my underwear and she's showing me her junk? Fuck it! I walked to my locker in my underwear. Hopefully, some results will show up soon.

The Great I/Y Debate

2006-01-17T15:38:00.000-06:00

I always notice this and always think about it, but today, for the first time I'm going to talk about it.

I can't spell my sister's name.

No, really.

Anne spells it: L-I-N-D-I
My mom spells its: L-I-N-D-I
Lind(i/y) spells it: L-I-N-D-I
Her fucking email begins with: L-I-N-D-I

But me? I spell it L-I-N-D-Y.

Constantly.

I, for whatever reason, can't fathom her name ending with an I. Because I'm an asshat like that. Call me your very own chapeau derriere here on Penny Candy.

I love my sister. But hey, apparently I have enough hubris to spell the names of those I love any way I damn well want. Hell, I might even start changing the spelling of your name, too. Take that, Ann. Take this, Boi.

What I did last summer or Vacation Procrastination

2006-01-11T22:48:00.000-06:00

As many of you may know, but have probably forgotten, I went to Chicago last summer to visit Gener. I did not get my pictures developed until a few weeks ago, hence why I am showing them to you now. I know, this makes zero sense, but look at these and try to remember what the Summer of 2005 was like. First of all, we went to a museum that had all kinds of great things. Including a huge dollhouse that was fascinating. I made Gene pose for this:

This would be Farmer Gene

This is Jen and Gene
After that, we hung out at Navy Pier. I must say, that was so relaxing. I ate Nachos and one of those homemade lemonade deals with the sugar in the bottom. We just sat there and watched the people on the little tour boats and chilled. After that, we walked down to the pier and just sat and looked at Lake Michigan for a long time. That was a truly great, relaxing afternoon. Gene, next time, I want to go on one of those tour boats. More pictures.....

I love this picture of the skyline....

Lake Michigan

Another shot of the skyline from the other side of the pier.....
After seeing these, can you believe people shook their heads that I went up to Chicago and didn't see Oprah? As if I would go all the way to Chicago for a t.v. show and miss museums for that!

Here are some pictures of the Forest Park Balloon Race in St. Louis:

In the middle, its the Wherenberg Theatre popcorn balloon

I'm trying to keep the poop away

2006-01-05T21:24:00.000-06:00

So, normally, this would be the time of year when the post-Christmas and post-New Year's Eve poop would come around. You know. THE poop.

You haven't seen the sun, you're poor, all you want to do is smoke, drink, and do it at night, in somplace poorly lit, think about some of your life disappointments as we start another new year motherfuckin' Poop. This time of year also makes me think of anonymous sex as well. Not sure why.

This year seems a little different however. I guess maybe because I started off the Christmas holiday with a different perspective on the whole situation and I tried really damn hard to keep it from spiraling into the poop. This poop usually lasts until St. Patrick's Day BECAUSE before then we have that douchebag St. Valentine's and his stupid day. I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day, which, in my opinion, has the sole purpose of trying to make people feel small if they don't have a freakin valentine.

Laughter keeps the poop away. I found that out today when someone told me that their husband walked in on his parents doing it. Let me specify. Daddy was going down............down to Chinatown on Mommy when he walked in. I laughed for a 1/2 an hour.

Okie Dokie

2006-01-05T21:19:00.000-06:00

I can't get the Klaus video to open and Eric keeps saying, "It's a German scheisse video" because I told him it was a German training video.

German: Du essen meine scheisse........
Cartman's mom: Okie Dokie!

YO

2006-01-05T16:53:00.000-06:00

OK! We're getting hitched either late this year or early next year! I tried to take a picture of my ring and post it, but it turns out funny. It must be my super flashy gold pants reflecting the light!

A New Ticker and a Gem Sweater for Klaus

2006-01-04T19:50:00.000-06:00

Lindy needs to share her news, with pictures, soon. Because I'm making the ticker anyway. It's been killing me not to post the ticker, so yeah. I likes me some tickers. What? What.

Also, I have friends so cool that they KNOW what brand of sickness I like. Thanks to Theresa for sharing Gem Sweater and the Beatdazzler. I am officially going to be a backup dancer for her, so I can snap my own bedazzler whilst wearing pink lame pants.
CLICK HERE
AND HERE
AND HERE, DO IT!

Also, Mike's brother shared this wonder of German cinematography. Even if you can't understand spoken German, and hey I can always translate every tenth word for you, you will still love and adore this Forklift Safety video.
CLICK HERE

You are welcome.

New Year's Resolutions

2006-01-01T13:23:00.000-06:00

I already know my big one: to get into shape. I don't want to just lose weight, I want to be in shape. I'm tired of being tired and feeling like shit. I want to feel and look good.

I had a wonderful time at the New Year's party that I went to and I hope you each had a good time at yours as well. Gene, I'm sorry I missed your party. Its been so nuts, I barely wanted to get dressed yesterday, as I haven't had a day to just myself in weeks due to this holiday business.

So, here is some new years resolutions that I made for OTHER people because of the party last night (mostly these are directed towards a particular man that I know, but its also towards women who say and do this shit. You're hurting other women, so shut the fuck up):

1. Should you feel the need to question my relationship, i.e. how long I've been in it, "when am I getting married", or just say general assanine comments about how its been so long and I'm NOT married. I have a question and some advice. Why does it matter to you if I'm married or not? I'm happy. I've met plenty of you married fucks to know that marriage and happiness are not synonymous. Secondly, I suggest you channel that energy into YOUR marriage. It has a tendency to look like the Titanic.

2. If, by chance, you feel the need to sing "Jungle Fever" in reference to my relationship. Please. DO NOT. You will not be the first assclown to do this. It wasn't funny the first time. It won't be funny when you do it the fifteeith time. UNLESS, you would like me to find a song to make fun of your significant other, like "Baby Bitch" by Ween:

People say, how beautiful, how sweet, how kind
You’re perfect, you’ve got nothing to hide
But i, for one, have seen the sun
And the bitch that you’ve locked up inside

Or I could sing "Tainted Love" when you are together. Either way, please stop or I'll start :)

3. This happened last night at the party, but its happened multiple times in my life, so I thought I would personally address my feelings on this because it makes me irate. Two of the people who I knew at the party were talking about some woman I know from a wedding that I was in with her. Okay, so my friend was talking about her boyfriend, who is now probably lying and lives with someone else, and all this crap. At the end, one of them says, "I don't know why she puts up with it. She is so pretty." This makes me mad on two levels:

a. People's attractiveness generally has nothing to do with whether or not they stay in bad relationships.
b. I wasn't aware that someone's physical beauty dictated whether or not they deserved to be in a healthy realtionship! I guess, if you aren't pretty, than you should expect to be cheated on, lied to, and abused. Well, its almost as if you DESERVE it for being homely. I mean, what can you expect, you hideous, hideous troll.

Part B is the biggest crock of shit I have ever heard. If you are a woman and said this, shame on you for doing that to other women and perpetuating that type of sexist crap that we already have to endure. If you are a man, thank you for being a total wimp and giving into society instead of being a true human being and standing up for women, when your help would be appreciated in quashing those stupid, victim blaming belief systems.

This is a personal note to a male friend of mine who has said these kinds of things before: You are 29, you've flunked out of four schools, your parents take care of you, you are a drug addict, you deliver pizza, you're balding, and you are not very attractive. However, I guarantee that the last reason isn't why you are having relationship problems. Why don't you channel that judgement into working on yourself and why YOU are alone instead of making shallow assessments about women who could run circles around you.

Happy New Year!

2006-01-01T13:20:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year!

May everyone have a year filled with more happiness!

YAY!

2005-12-29T08:28:00.000-06:00

OK, we kissed and made up! Sorry for worrying everyone and sorry to Boy for being so worried myself. It turned out to be a matter of procrastination and wanting to surprise me, than a matter of not wanting to do it. I am sorry Jason, with all my heart! I love you. I love my friends too for being there for me. Thank you and now the planning begins!

Could it be?

2005-12-28T22:53:00.000-06:00

This is the first year in a million that I can remember that I actually enjoyed Christmas. I didn't hate it. I normally despise Christmas. I mean, really, really hate it in a way I can't describe. I even listened to Christmas music and enjoyed it . I once had an ugly episode in Old Time Pottery with Christmas music. This year, I actually fucking liked it. Could it be that I've made my peace on Earth with Christmas? Only time will tell................. This post Christmas shit week before New Year's...........uh............well, we'll see..............

Whatever happened to Bobby Dipes?

2005-12-28T22:36:00.000-06:00

Hey
Gene
did
you
pop?

We
need
new
bloggy
material.

You
are
funny.

Make
us
laugh

Setting in...

2005-12-27T19:48:00.000-06:00

I've always been in denial, when it comes to an upcoming marriage. I always thought it would be better than this, but now I really do think that me and my boy will never actually tie the knot. I am always hopeful that he will get off his ass and do something to get this stagnant show on the road, but I'm always let down. I'm tired of him stalling. My self esteem is nodda and my patience is beginning to disappear. Even his family wants to know what the problem is. I try to talk to him about it, but he gets pissy with me and I get mopey for a few days. His last stall was saying that he is ready to get married now. I honestly wanted to believe him and I really tried to be upbeat about him actually saying that. I tried to be really happy about it, and tell my friends and family about it. I knew in the back of my mind that it was just a dead end road. I can't even picture us being married anymore, or growing old together anymore. I'm really not obsessed with being married, but I think I deserve it after almost 7 years (he says 6) either way, it's been long enough. I love him dearly, but I'm sick of this stupid game. It makes me feel unwanted and like a pest. Tonight I suggested something to help us get money (that's the biggest excuse) for the actual wedding. He simply said it's not worth it. I didn't say anything to that and just started to read my book. He asked me what was wrong. I stated that I'll get over it and kept reading. He put on his shoes and said he didn't deserve this shit. I asked him if he'd rather me nag him to death. He said that it's the same thing and left. Are my frustrations justified here? Or am I the bitch he makes me feel like sometimes. I do know that it's pretty stupid to keep going on with this, but tomorrow I'll probably regret that I even wrote this and keep on pretending. I've almost gotten used to being a free cow and I'm beginning to look like one

Illustrating the top reason that people drink on Christmas

2005-12-22T20:46:00.000-06:00

Does anyone remember that SNL skit called, "Dysfunctional Family Christmas?" It was an informercial where they poke fun at how REAL family Christmas' are. I found the skit on another website. Please read. Laugh. Imagine this to music. You will feel so much better about Christmas. Notice the album cover, by all means........

Dysfunctional Family Christmas

Dad.....Phil Hartman
Mom.....Jan Hooks
Son.....Dana Carvey
Other Son.....Mike Myers
Daughters.....Julia Sweeney and Victoria Jackson

Announcer: It's that time of year, when families get together to reopen old feelings. And Silver Bell Records is proud to present a Dysfunctional Family Christmas. This is the album your family is sure to cherish for Christmases to come.

[ SUPER: "Let's Pretend We Like Each Other (This Christmas)" ]

Dad: [ singing ]
"Christmastime, you force a smile
Everyone is joining in the group denial
Folks behaving infantile
Family Christmastime."

Announcer: Hit after dysfunctional hit. Songs like "The Almost Perfect Christmas":

Female Chorus: "Dinner is perfect, the presents are perfect
The tree and the parlors are perfect fun."

Male Chorus: "Then your brother, yells at your mother."

Altogether: "Christmas is ruined for everyone."

Announcer: Get timeless hits like "Someday I'll Get Christmas Right", "I've Got My Drinking Under Control For The Holidays", "Peace On Earth? Where?", and "The Daughter Song":

Female Chorus: "Presents and wrapping paper
Ribbons and bows and all that stuff.
Why do we even bother?
Nothing we get you is good enough!"

Announcer: And this country Christmas classic:

[ SUPER: "Ballad of the Co-Dependent" ]

Dad: "Every Christmas when you got drunk
I told the children you were not drunk.
And I said, "Tommy, you're not being bad,
It's just Christmas makes your Mommy mad."

Announcer: You'll get "Cant' You Let It Drop, It's Christmas", "What I Want You Can't Buy Me", "Fruitcake And Shame", and "Why Am I The Only One Who Knows What Christmas Really Means?" And many more.

[ SUPER: "Why Am I Here? (The 'Pretty' Song)" ]

Mom: "Underneath the mistletoe
Is a 2x2 jingle bell world.
And underneath all those extra pounds
is a very pretty girl."

[ SUPER: "Runny Funny Daddy" ]

Kids: "Daddy's nose is red and runny
Daddy's voice is rough and funny.
Anmd the only words I can understand
are 'God' and 'Damn' and 'Christmas'".

Announcer: Just imagine - 24 timeless standards, including the classic "Carol Of Intimacy":

Son: "Leave me alone! Please go away!
I'm doing fine! Just get away!
"Leave me alone! Please go away!
I'm doing fine! Just get away!
"Leave me alone! Please go away!
I'm doing fine! Just get away!"

[ SUPER: "DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY CHRISTMAS - $19.95 - 1-800-GET-HELP" ]

Announcer: To order, call 1-800-GET-HELP tpday. Operators are standing by.

Girl on Girl on Girl Action

2005-12-22T20:29:00.000-06:00

FYI...............Google is great, in fact its Grand. Its pretty fucking marvelous. BUT.................

Here is the deal: Penny Candy Love is linked to a lesbian porn site. Yes, I googled PennyCandyLove (one word, no spaces) after I googled several different variations to measure my cyber fame.

I tried to google it just now and IT DIDN'T DO IT, but I swear, google some variation of Penny Candy. Its hilarious. The best part is that on the girly site, one of the things it says by pennycandylove.spot.com is, and I quote, "mmm, is that cheese I smell?"

I almost pissed myself.

Daddy Dearest

2005-12-20T18:06:00.000-06:00

How have you been? Stepmonster looks great. Have you been feeding her little children to keep her green so.....green? Wow, it's been a long time. I really like your tin foil hat. It covers your bald head, but is still really shiny. How is the rest of the family? How many space babies have you guys made so far? I bet it's alot. Last time I was with you guys, Stepmonster said she was recently plowed by the 'you know who'. I bet the Scientoligists are sooo jealous of you two. Have you been on the spaceships lately? Remember Dad, when you said you crashed that helicopter and was injured? That helicopter must have been from outer space too, because it looked like an escort to me. I bet it was a shapeshift'n thingy. Wasn't it? So cool. Do you still talk to Dr. Phil. He's something isn't he? You should be proud to be his buddy. He's cool, like you Dad.
Well, it's time to go now. I have to go to sleep, so I can go to WORK tomorrow.
Love,
Lindy

Bittersweet

2005-12-17T00:08:00.000-06:00

The "Mexican Fridays" friend asked me tonight to go to dinner with her. So, I decided yes, after I received some really awesome news today at work. I finally have been offered a permanent position (yeah, no more contracting), with a substantial pay increase, actual benefits worth acknowledging, several paid holidays, vacation, personal days. Blah, blah, blah. My boss told me today and I almost cried. We hugged! I LOVE my boss. She is so wonderful. I was very happy. I have been there four years and I have grown to be a very integral part of the department (my boss said this, I'm not tooting my own horn here). I almost kissed the HR guy. I found out today, filled out an online ap today, and they offered me the job today (same job, ONLY better). So, it was a whirlwind romance with my just desserts. I finally was rewarded for my dedication, hardwork, etc, etc. Let me reemphasize that. MY hard work. My independent self hard work. I was elated.

My "Mexican Fridays" friend called me. She said, "What's the good news?" I told her, including excitement in my voice, everything that I just outlined here. Seriously, I think a little pee came out I was so excited. Talking about it almost made me horny.

Then, she says, "Oh, I thought you were going to tell me that you are engaged."

What I'm Buying You All For Christmas

2005-12-15T03:40:00.000-06:00

Everything possible from The Haggis-on-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance.

And this:

It's a face of Jesus purity ring! A hahahahahahahahahaha! Purity! Jesus face! Oh my god! Help, I can't breathe. It looks like a Jesus face spaghetti-O! For virginity! Ahahahahahahaha!

The Most Memorable Moments of Emily's 30th Birthday Party

2005-12-11T18:48:00.000-06:00

1. Emily's tiara (fabulous)

2. Trish's attire. Her shirt and hair were gorgeous (If you see Trish today, tell her how sexy she is).

3. Christine's horrified look after Melissa told her to practice BJs on the vibrator and I told her to turn it on. Her eyes were bigger than usual when I said that and she started shaking her head no.

4. Lindi's mime of being teabagged. "They're so soft". "Oh my God, I can see your taint."

5. Kenny and Scott being systematically deprogrammed about everything preconceived about women as they were privy to our secret, sexy, wonderful, dirty, raunchy girl world. Girls, we rock!

6. Me telling Scott that "I tried being a delicate flower, but that's a bunch of bullshit."

7. Emily solo dancing at TGI Friday's.

8. All of us teasing poor Lindi about her butt sex talk. We love you, tator!

9. Melissa's impression of the old lady at the Casino dancing in her animal print.

10. Scott's story about dating a belly dancer and how she left him to run off and join the circus.

11. In my drunken state, that I thought a Space Pussy shot would taste more like a rocketship and fish.

12. My discussion with Scott about midgets and his statement that midgets somehow make everything better.

13. Melissa describing the dilball over and over.

14. Christine saying that she thought that only Jehovah's Witnesses had the key to the female orgasm via cunnilingus (don't you hate that word? It should be tonguelingus.)

Hope you had a good time, Emily!

Documentary Diva

2005-12-07T21:56:00.000-06:00

I rented three documentaries lately. Here's the names with the scoop:

The Corporation: A 3 hour (approx.) documentary featuring Noam Chomsky, Michael Moore, and many other social scientists and economists detailing the history of corporations. Includes many interesting factoids, such as the little known fact that early corporations actually used laws enacted for free slaves to allow the conglomerate of people to be known legally as one "person". It mostly details many of the evils of corporate America. The movie does address the topic of our own complacency as one of the reasons that corporations are allowed to do as many immoral things as possible, but I think it fails to point out that an immoral society creates immoral people who do immoral things. Corporations speak volumes about American culture and it fails to recognize that. However, still a solid movie that points out many good facts and details how corrupt corporations do inappropriate things globally.

Murderball: Seriously, I think everyone should see this. What a good movie. The movie focuses on the sport of wheelchair rugby and its players. The film portrays Zupan as the hero (I must admit, I dug that dude) and Joe Soares as a "villain". I thought that they just edited the guy to be an ass. Joe thought that as well, but you'll see that he really is kind of an ass when you watch the extra features with a current interview in which he talks about how much ass he used to get from the ladies. It's not that I don't think that he got ass because he's in a wheelchair; I don't think he got ass because he's an ass. (you'll see).

Tarnation: I can't erase this movie from my mind. This is the life story of a boy whose mother was a model, then fell off of the roof when she was twelve. Her parents took her to the hospital where they were convinced to give her shock treatments that she may have never needed. Anyway, she had the filmmaker, but lost him to the state. He was eventually adopted by the grandparents who raised him. He saw his mother sporadically and never knew his father. He started filming his life when he was about 12 and filmed constantly. Most of the movie is told from old pictures and movies he made as a kid and a teenager. The "story" eventually leads to present time. I've never seen a movie or documentary quite like this. Some of the imagery is Avant-garde, but still engaging. I also highly recommend this if you think you can take meandering story telling.

If I were worth my weight in gold......

2005-12-06T17:42:00.000-06:00

Here it is people. Hold onto your seats. Buckle up. Here is the magic number:

240!

How did this happen? Why do I still want to eat when I am so huge?????????????

I would settle for 200 right about now...........

More about this later........

Something Must Be Done

2005-12-04T21:53:00.000-06:00

So, I'm Fat. No, I'm okay with it. Scratch that. I'm okay with saying it, but I'm not okay with being it. After much soul searching, I had to admit to myself that something has gone horribly wrong and this is not the look I was going for. So, in Bridget Jones fashion, I am starting a diet and announcing my weight tomorrow after I weigh myself at some professional scale that they have there at my jobby job. I have to admit so that I can hold my feet to the fire if I don't do something. I know, this sounds like the typical Sunday night fatty declaration, but I can't do this anymore. I feel like crap, I don't look so hot, and I'm tired of it. More about this later................

Goddam It, Missouri, Get Over Yourself

2005-12-01T16:38:00.000-06:00

You would think I didn't have my own blog, wouldn't you? Well, I'm posting this twice. Because I hate stupid people who think they need to have their hands in my vagina. I don't like fisting. Especially by Walgreen's employees.

See below:

Today’s St. Louis Post-Dispatch includes an article about Walgreens pharmacists in Illinois who have been suspended for refusing to fill prescriptions for the emergency contraceptive Plan B.

Illinois state law requires every pharmacy that sells contraceptives to fill all birth control prescriptions – including emergency contraception – without delay.

Because no such legal protection for women exists in Missouri, a Walgreens spokesperson stated that these refusing pharmacists can be transferred to Walgreens locations in Missouri!

Pharmacists in Missouri do not have to ensure that patients’ valid, legal prescriptions for contraception are filled without discrimination or delay.

This is unacceptable!

---

Yes, my friends, this in unacceptable. If women's health is to be a priority, we need to take the judgement out of birth control, conception, and abortion.

Maybe the woman you just denied emergency contraception was a married woman who had sex with her husband and the condom broke. Perhaps being pregnant will endanger her health and her life.

Maybe the woman was raped. She doesn't need to tell the person at Walgreen's this detail.

Maybe the woman needs it because SHE DOES AND IT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS. Her doctor prescribed it. All you need to know is hand it over.

Now fill it. It's not your life, it's not your uterus, and you don't know all the details of each woman's story.
----

Here's how to stop this nonsense:
Attend the Legislator Accountability Meeting

Wednesday, December 7, 2005
7:00-8:30pm
Central Reform Congregation
5020 Waterman Ave., (corner of Kingshighway and Waterman)
St. Louis, 63108
RSVP: contact Michelle at michelle.trupiano@ppslr.org

Or Sign the Put Prevention First Petition
Click Here.

Also send a letter to Governor Blunt.
Click Here.

----
I'm also providing a link to Planned Parenthood's chart of emergency contraception through regular birth control pills. Click Here.

Fat Bottomed Girls

2005-11-29T21:46:00.000-06:00

I love Queen. I can't help it. Many a people have said, "I don't like Queen." I don't understand.

A girl at work today said that she had Queen's Greatest Hits. I chair danced to the likes of "Fat Bottomed Girls", "A Crazy Little Thing Called Love," and "Bicycle Race"(one of my favorites). I had a zen experience during "Somebody to Love".

Anyway, it was at some point during "Another Bites the Dust" that I had a Weird Al flashback. I suddenly remembered a spoof he did called "Another One Rides the Bus." Melissa, Lindi, and I used to listen to this Weird Al tape when we would play psycho tetherball in their backyard. Yes, tetherball can get very vicious. I remember my favorite line in that Weird Al song, "Hey, he's gonna sit by you, another one rides the bus." Once again, thanks to Melissa and Lindi, I looked like a nut laughing at seemingly nothing.

Tickerlicious

2005-11-29T17:03:00.000-06:00

I can't help it. I can't. They're too fun to make.

The McFarlands are saved...

2005-11-29T10:49:00.000-06:00

Sooooo, last night on his b-day we got to talking about marriage again. I had a plate of food on my lap and was watching TV and then he walked up behind me and asked me. He had those big sincere eyes and a serious look on his face. I thought he was kidding around, but Jason was serious. "Will you marry me?"
YAY! No planning yet, no rings yet, no money yet, but after Christmas and things are settled, we start that whole process. We are pretty darn broke at the moment, but the ring doesn't matter now. Jason matters, and the fact that he is really ready to be my husband is everything! SO, NO PLANNING YET PEEPS. Consider this an unofficial announcement until we have the mula to actually do something about it. Love ya :)

It Must Be Anne

2005-11-28T20:53:00.000-06:00

Every week on Sugared Harpy I have Google Smackdown Monday. Today, on the phone with Lindy we checked and realized that many of you are finding Penny Candy in some interesting ways.

Ahem.

1. musturbation
2. sisters that fuck
3. fuck the fine bitch
4. sailor, whyd you do it?
5. is doing musturbation bad
6. bitch
7. my sisters hot friend
8. suntrup and joe buck

Talk amongst yourselves.

Don't Tell Me to Fix Her

2005-11-24T20:12:00.000-06:00

Open letter to everyfuckingoneinathreemileradius,

I can cook. I can. I cook well. I cook good things. It may not be Velveeta cheese-covered starch. It may have a vegetable in it. It may not start with a box or a can. I prefer recipes from here instead of here. It's usually real, good, quality ingredients. It may sometimes be healthy and sometimes it's not. I always cook yummy things.

Try it sometimes, fuckers.

How can my dishes be the only things untouched on Official Gluttony Day?

I'm sick and tired of taking home perfectly good dishes intact. I know, I made something that looks different and is served in a squash shell. I know, I made a soup. I know, I made something that starts with a "vegetable," but it's a dip. There's cheese. Fresh, grated cheese. You like cheese. For fuck's sake, you eat the TGIFriday's version and mine is better than that.

And just refrain from talking to me. It will all work out better if I'm ignored or offended from the start.

When you talk to me, don't assume all my students would fail my class. I'm a good teacher. I enjoy my students and they are not failing. Even my student who sleeps in class contributes daily and wrote an A paper. Don't tell me I'm fat. While you serve your boyfriend like you're his bona fide bitch. Also, when I am talking to you please don't turn away in the middle of my sentence to begin a conversation with someone else. 10 times in a row. Don't. It's rude. Lindy and I can do that and get away with it, because we both understand each other. I can do this with quite a few people. With people I generally talk gobs to daily, I can do this. Family and family-in-law, no. It sends a message you may or may not intend to send. It's not a good one.

I'm ranting. I know it. I'm sorry. But I must. This is so very present right now I'm barely containing the screaming.

I hope your days with family go much better than mine. Happy Thanksgiving.

Gobble Gobble

2005-11-23T08:44:00.000-06:00

This is what Gener told me, verbatim, that he was thankful for in 2004:

Turkey- because of its power over sleep.
Mashed potatoes- because of there ability to stick to everything including ceilings.
Stuffing- its very obvious this shit is the best. I'll have 6 healthy helpings please.
Gravy- because as you flow from the gravy boat you give me a feeling like inner tubing down a warm river and at the end of this river is a mouth watering combination of turkey, mashed potatoes, and stuffing.
Cranberry sauce- without this I wouldn't get my daily fruit intake on the day of thanks giving.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
P.S. Gene, I save all your loony e-mails for just such occasion.............

An Open Letter to My Friend about Sexuality

2005-11-20T18:34:00.001-06:00

Dear Friend:

We have been friends for some time now, but I feel that your inability to accept your sexuality is starting to annoy me. I know, you're gay. I don't care. Scratch that. I want you to be happy, but I'm not one of those assholes who say, "its fine, as long as they don't do it in front of me." Honestly, I don't care if you do it in front of me, I would just prefer a lack of actual penetration, as I would as of all of my friends. Please penetrate in your own bedroom. Its not that I don't care, its just a moot point, as I like you for who you are, not who you fuck.

That being said, please stop bashing straight people. I know, its hard being a slim part of the human race and you feel unaccepted. I empathize. However, please stop bashing people who have children. I know that you are envious and need to just admit this to yourself. The odds of you fathering a child are slim. However, if others choose to, please understand that I expect the same understanding from you about my straightness as I am about your gayness. I don't understand how being proud of who you are has anything to do with stepping on someone unlike you.

Also, please stop saying that other men are "secretly gay". Its annoying for several reasons. One, who the fuck cares? Two, all married men or men in general, are not secretly lusting after you. Three, all of these "secretly gay" men only seem to be hot. There are ugly men in the closet too. I find it coincidental that the men who are closeted are also men that you find attractive. I know that the hot guy at the laundry mat was irresistable. He dressed nice and was well manicured. Don't assume he is gay! You're gay and you're not that way. Does that make sense to generalize then? I clean up after you every time after you visit. Four, you sound just like the nutty rightwing people that you hate when you too generalize about gay people. If you buy into beliefs about gays that you yourself do not practice, then why do you believe them?

I am still your friend and I love you. Please accept yourself so that you can finally make peace with society.

Daddy's little girl ain't a girl no more...

2005-11-18T22:51:00.000-06:00

Thoughts of past
it didn't last
my time was wasted
but, not hasted
my days were gone
and nights were long
the dark was so very, very strong..,
the crystal queen
it was me
on the airport hillside
laughing while they flew by
secretly wishing
the planes would crash me
to spill me there
To kill me here
It would be so very fair.....
myself was gone
for so long
time not remembered
my soul was dismembered
he broke my heart
laid on the cart
I myself would take it apart...
that was my only power
to do it myself, hour by hour
the drugs, they numbed
I had succumbed
the inner holocaust
myself so lost
it was daddy's cost

Sorry ya'll, a night of Nirvana brings it out in me sometimes....it's cool now.

Wave of Mutilation

2005-11-17T21:24:00.000-06:00

Here is a small list of annoyances:

1. People who make vastly more money than you, but the minute that you have something that they don't have they say, "It must be nice", as if they cannot afford whatever pitiful thing it is that you have. eg. I work with this lady who makes way more money than me, her husband is a plumber, and she has a side hobby that makes lots of $$. They have no kids. I've seen their house. Its unreal. I happen to have a majority of my Christmas shopping done. She says ,"It must be nice," and goes on to say that she doesn't have the money for that. Huh? WTF? I budgeted and make far less money that you. Give me a fucking break! (rich spoiled assholes whose parents pay for all their necessities, but piss away their money on niceties, but complain about a lack of money fall into this general asshole category. Its not that I'm jealous (maybe I wish I had a sugar daddy) BUT to complain. Go fuck yourself. Stop buying $90 pants.)

2. My need to get as many things done as possible, only to fuck myself over in the end. I've been busy all week, but I really need to do my laundry. I have two current apartment issues going on, so I didn't go do it while I was waiting for the repair man (I found out tonight he's coming on Saturday, that miserable son of a bitch!) Now, I have to wear an outfit I hate to work because I had something else to do tonight that I could have gotten out of, but felt guilty for.

3. My forgetfulness. I realized that my winter coat is missing ALOT of buttons. I wanted to fix this last year and forgot. I do this all the time. e.g. I find a pair of shoes and think, "hmm, I forgot about these. They are fabulous. Why don't I wear these more often." Half an hour at work and I want them off and think, "oh yes, now I know why they were in the back of the fucking closet where they belong."

4. Reading article after article about how prettier people make more money and get better advancements. I need to stop reading these because they discourage me about finding a better job.

5. Stupid people who try to use my brain to get ahead. This girl I used to work with moved to another department and IMed me today to ask me, her spelling, what "quazi" meant. I explained quasi to her and referred her to dictionary.com. I don't know everything, but I do know where the tools are to find everything. She admitted, and laughed, that she knows that she is not that smart, but she doesn't want her new department to figure out that she is stupid and is basically going to get other people to tell her everything to hide the fact that she is an idiot. It wasn't that blunt, but I'm cutting to the chase. So now, she's made it known that she knows she is stupid, but is just going to USE people, which I always thought she was doing anyway. This girl is DUMB, DOUBLE DUMB. She wants to be management. She probably will because she is cute. I should have told her that quasi means "hump".

Boy's bitch of the day

2005-11-16T21:42:00.000-06:00

Hello, I type about 20 words a minute and have the punctuation skills of a 12 year old so if that shit bothers you don't read this. This is my first bitch, I have decided to start bitching on your site to amuse myself and to alleviate boredom. I will bitch spontaneously, and just because it says bitch of the day in no way means that it will appear on a daily basis, or weekly, or monthly for that matter. It will occur as does a rain storm or a shooting star. Now that we have that understood I would like to bitch about Joe Buck. The pampered, spoiled, brat son of St. Louis' most beloved sports announcer. My quarrel with him has never and probably never will become physical but given the chance I would love to smack that smug "I'm better than you grin" right of his fuckin face. It's not who he is or the fact that he prostitutes his family name out to many St. Louis businesses. My bitch is " He's in ma face " I can't watch the news or a hockey game without this bullshit artist trying to convince me to buy a car from the suntrup family of fine automobiles network. Just the sight of him and the way he flails his hands about as if he has a valid point somewhere in his meaningless commercial appearance enrages me. I detest the way he is always dressed as if he were going or coming from a golf outing with other yuppie pricks or perhaps with ball players because his daddy was a famous announcer. I have no quarrel with Jack. I actually liked his voice in my youth, However I long to see his cocky, selfabsorbed, over articulated seed fall so hard as to spend the rest of his life working a 40 hour job like the rest of us, so he can finally bond with the common man. That's it! Thank you for reading my bitch of the day.

Working Together

2005-11-15T16:21:00.000-06:00

I think it is extremely important to give your co-workers compliments to make them feel good and just put a smile on their face. Here are a few that I have given my drivers today.

1. You look particularity homeless today.

2. Wow, who braided your hair today Tom?

3. MMM, is that cheese I smell, your making me hungry.

4. With all of those stains on your shirt, I know you work really hard.

5. That fish hook looks great on your hat!

6. Is that a lucky rabbit's foot on your necklace? Cool.

You know, saying something nice always brightens someone's day :)

Na na na!

2005-11-11T16:21:00.000-06:00

I put you on here and there is nothing, nothing you can do about it! He he he! Smooches!

Musturbation

2005-11-10T22:44:00.000-06:00

I went to the therapist tonight and we talked about "cognitive distortion" or basically ways that we take things, turn them around in our heads, and fucking make ourselves crazy!!!!! Or even better, invent things to make ourselves nuts about, as if being nuts without new things wasn't flippin maddening enough!

Anyway, I read this whole list and I swear, I was DEPRESSED from reading about them because I fucking do that shit! I swear, I am my own worst damned enemy. Anyway, one of the things was basically imagining things "should" be a certain way. Stuart Smalley called it "shoulding all over himself" and this real depression expert calls it "musturbation". I do this ALOT.

My depression actually has been tremendously better, but I've been trying hard to break the bad habits. I'm actually glad that I had that discussion with her because I think I talk myself into those depressed stages and then once I there, I might as well just turn everything to shit with my magic shit alchemy wand. Melissa insists that I can spin shit into gold, but sometimes, I spin silver into shit, JUST BECAUSE ITS NOT GOLD. Its really maddening to not be satisfied with imperfection, when pretty darn good is still better than shit. I will strive for gold, but by God, I am going to try to be happy with my silver life or maybe even bronze.

Its Alive

2005-11-10T22:43:00.000-06:00

Me Internet works again. haha!

Ask Cleo

2005-11-10T20:46:00.000-06:00

Question: Cleo, why do cats suck wool?
Answer: The fuck if I know, I like pinky knuckles.

Question: Why do cats roll on their backs?
Answer: Eat me.

Question: Cleo, why do cats' eyes glow in the dark?
Answer: Why are you still here?

Question: Why do cats pooh on rocks and bury them.
Answer: You disgust me, you horrible jackass!